Building a Rule of Life

The Desert Tradition

The Desert Fathers and Mothers lived by informal patterns—fixed times of prayer, manual labor, fasting, and solitude. Their practices were transmitted through sayings and example rather than written rules.

The Rule of St. Benedict

Around 530 AD, Benedict of Nursia wrote his famous Rule, which became the foundation for Western monasticism. His genius was balance: prayer and work (ora et labora), community and solitude, discipline and discretion. The Rule of St. Benedict has guided communities for fifteen centuries.

Other Historic Rules

Augustine wrote a Rule for his community in Hippo. The Carmelites developed their own Rule. Francis of Assisi created rules for his friars. Each tradition adapted the concept to its particular charism while maintaining the core insight: intentional structure liberates rather than constrains.

Modern Adaptation

Today, the concept of a personal rule of life has spread beyond monasteries. Lay Christians, families, and individuals create personal rules suited to their circumstances while drawing on ancient wisdom.

2. Work

How does your work relate to your spiritual life?

• Do you begin work with prayer? Pause during the day?
• What boundaries protect against overwork?
• How is your work an offering to God?
• What about domestic duties, caregiving, household labor?

3. Study

Feeding the mind as part of spiritual growth:

• Scripture reading plan?
• Spiritual classics? Contemporary theology?
• How much time? Daily, weekly?
• Courses, retreats, formation programs?

4. Rest

Sabbath is not optional:

• Weekly day of rest? How observed?
• Sleep patterns—sufficient and regular?
• Recreation that truly recreates?
• Vacation, retreat, time away?

5. Relationships

We are formed in community:

• Church community involvement?
• Spiritual direction?
• Small group, accountability partner?
• Family practices—prayer, meals, rhythms?
• Hospitality? Service?

6. Body

Care for the temple:

• Physical exercise?
• Eating—mindful, moderate, grateful?
• Fasting practices?
• Attention to embodied prayer?

7. Simplicity and Stewardship

Material life as spiritual practice:

• Generosity—tithing, giving?
• Simplicity of life—possessions, consumption?
• Environmental care?
• Economic ethics?

Starting Too Ambitious

The most common failure. Enthusiasm creates rules that demand more than life allows. When the rule proves impossible, guilt and abandonment follow. Start where you are, not where you wish you were.

Legalism

A rule serves love, not the reverse. When missing a practice leads to scrupulous guilt rather than gentle return, the rule has become a tyrant. Flexibility is wisdom, not weakness.

Imbalance

Some rules are all prayer with no rest. Others focus on activity while neglecting contemplation. True rules attend to all dimensions of human flourishing.

Isolation

Creating a rule without input from others—spiritual director, community, family—can lead to blind spots. We need outside perspective.

Never Revising

Life changes. What worked in one season may not work in another. A rule should evolve with life circumstances—new job, new baby, illness, aging parents.

Copying Someone Else's Rule

A rule must fit your actual life, not the life of a saint from another century. Learn from others, but design for yourself.

Parents of Young Children

Expect interruption. Build flexibility into the rule. Shorter, more frequent practices may work better than long sessions. The work of parenting itself can become prayer. Be gentle with yourself during this demanding season.

Those with Demanding Careers

Identify non-negotiable times (early morning? lunch? before bed?) and protect them. Build brief practices into the workday. Commute time can become prayer time. Be realistic about what your season allows.

Those with Chronic Illness

Energy and capacity vary. A good rule accounts for this variation. Have a “low energy” version of your practices. Lying-down prayer counts. Shorter sessions are legitimate. Illness itself can be offered as prayer.

Caregivers

The demands of caregiving leave little time. Brief practices woven through the day may be all that's possible. The act of care itself is service to Christ. Seek even small moments of presence.

Retirees

More time creates opportunity but also danger—without structure, time can dissipate. Retirement is an invitation to deeper practice. Consider a more substantial rule than working years allowed.

Isn't a rule legalistic?

A poorly designed or rigidly held rule can become legalistic. But the problem is not the rule itself but how it is used. A good rule serves freedom, not bondage. It provides structure so that love can flourish. Jesus observed the patterns of his Jewish faith—synagogue attendance, festival observance, regular prayer times—without legalism.

What if I fail constantly?

If you consistently fail, your rule is probably too ambitious. Reduce it. Success at a smaller rule is better than constant failure at an ideal one. Start where you can succeed and build gradually. And remember: returning after failure is itself a practice of grace.

Should my whole family share a rule?

Shared family practices are valuable—meal prayers, Sunday rhythms, seasonal observances. But each adult should also have their own personal practices. Children can participate in age-appropriate ways and gradually develop their own habits.

How detailed should the rule be?

Specific enough to be actionable, flexible enough to survive real life. “Pray daily” is too vague. A minute-by-minute schedule is too rigid. Find the middle ground: specific times and practices with room for adjustment.

What if my life is too chaotic for a rule?

Chaos is precisely when a rule helps most—it provides stability in instability. But the rule must be realistic for chaotic seasons. Even one brief anchor practice (morning prayer, evening Examen) provides a thread of continuity.