A Prayer for When Grief Comes in Waves

On Grief, Loss & Sorrow

Grief does not move in a straight line. It comes in waves — sometimes gentle, sometimes overwhelming, often without warning. You can be fine one moment and submerged the next, triggered by a song, a smell, a glimpse of handwriting, a day of the week. This prayer is for those waves, for the moments when grief surges back after you thought you were doing better.

The wave-like nature of grief is disorienting. Just when you think you've found solid ground, another wave pulls you under. But waves are not signs of failure — they are simply how grief works. Each wave passes. Each time you surface, you are still held.

If a wave has just hit you, know that you will not drown. The wave will pass. You will breathe again.

Why Grief Comes in Waves

The wave pattern of grief reflects how the mind processes loss. It cannot hold intense grief constantly — it would be unbearable. So grief comes and goes, ebbing and flowing, giving moments of respite between the surges.

• Triggers can bring waves unexpectedly — anniversaries, places, objects
• Emotions that were suppressed may surface later
• New aspects of the loss reveal themselves over time
• The body and mind need breaks from intense grief
• Waves often decrease in frequency over time
• But waves can return even years later, and that's normal

The waves are not setbacks. They are part of the natural rhythm of mourning. Each wave, when allowed to pass, moves you through the grief rather than keeping you stuck.

What to Do When a Wave Hits

When grief surges unexpectedly, the instinct may be to fight it or flee from it. But waves pass more easily when we allow them to move through us rather than resisting them.

• Stop if you can — give the wave your attention
• Breathe slowly — this helps the body ride the wave
• Let the tears come if they want to
• Name it: "This is a wave. It will pass."
• Find something stable to hold — physically or spiritually
• Wait — the intensity will lessen

A Prayer for the Waves

This prayer is for the moment when grief surges — use it in the wave itself, or after you have surfaced.

Lord, the wave has come again. I was not expecting it. I thought I was doing better. And then the grief pulled me under, and I am gasping again. Help me ride this wave. Do not let me drown in it. Remind me that it will pass — it always passes. Anchor me in something stronger than the surge. You are the one who walks on water, who speaks peace to storms. Speak peace to this wave within me. I will breathe. I will wait. I will surface. And You will be there when I do.

After a wave, be gentle with yourself. Waves are exhausting. You may need rest, quiet, or solitude. Give yourself whatever you need to recover.

Between the Waves

The spaces between waves are not denial — they are grace. You are allowed to laugh, to feel moments of peace, to engage with life. This does not dishonor your loss. It is how you survive it.

• Don't feel guilty about the calm moments
• Use the calm to rest and restore
• Know that another wave may come — and that's okay
• Over time, the calm spaces often grow longer
• Both the waves and the calm are part of grief

Grief is not measured by constant intensity. The calm between waves is as legitimate as the waves themselves.