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Who’s Really Running Disney? Putin?

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In a stunning move that caught the business world by surprise, the Walt Company announced today that it was replacing CEO Bob Chapek, a 26-year Disney employee, with Russian President Vladimir . The news was made public April 1, along with the revelation that Putin had already resigned the Russian presidency and was en route to the United States.

The news also revealed that major changes are coming to the company’s theme parks and famous characters, TV shows and movies, completely revamping the company. “Vlad is finally going to bring Disney into the 21st century,” said one company source. “Along with some changes unique to him.”

Another source close to the incoming CEO rattled off a list of changes that were already being made in the name of creating a “not-at-all-secret gay agenda.” Among them:

Mickey Mouse would be coming out as gay.

Donald Duck would be revealed to be a “trans duck.”

Snow White will have her name changed (“it was insultingly racist”) to Snow POC — as in Snow Person of Color.

After consultation with animal rights groups, Goofy is to be renamed “AD” for “Amusing Dog.”

The film The Parent Trap is to be renamed The Older Related Adult Trap.

The terms “boys and girls” and “ladies and gentlemen” will be scrapped in favor of “comrades.”

There is an undercurrent of concern with the Putin announcement. One senior executive was told that Putin wanted to focus on the competition with the Disney theme park in Orlando. Still fuming over Harry Potter author J. K. Rowling’s recent criticism of him, Putin had a specific suggestion as to how Disney should deal with rival Universal Studios’ exhibits “The Wizarding World of Harry Potter” and “Diagon Alley.” Putin’s alarming suggestion: “surface-to-air missiles.”

Others were concerned to learn that workers were already remaking the signs for the company’s “Magic Kingdom Park” at the Walt Disney World Resort near Orlando, Florida, to read “Magic Kremlin Park.”

As soon as Putin’s resignation as Russian president took effect, he was whisked to a private Disney jet which took him

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